” I will not ask again! This is a Kermac Neuro ripper, in case you don’t know it is probably the most painful weapon ever invented.”“I am Eric Olafson and I don’t work for anyone. I haven’t even left this planet yet!”It was as if my entire body was submerged in boiling oil. The pain was so sudden and so intense, I suddenly found myself on the floor coughing blood and spitting out a broken tooth.“This was a setting 3; do you like to find out how setting 4 feels like? Why can’t I read your mind? Who shielded you?”It took me a moment to find my own voice and when I spoke I did not recognize the wheezing pressed voice as my own.” I don’t have any Psionic abilities!”I thought I could hear the hum of the weapon a fraction of a heartbeat before the pain returned.“You are one tough cookie, I seen bigger men than you scream on setting two, but it matters not. I give you a few moments to think about it then I hit you again!”My mind raced, she was clearly Off World and she admitted to have. It all started when I got a call from someone with the Sally Oprah Donahue Show. Their schedule said it was time to put a crossdresser on exhibit and they wondered if I was interested. Someone down there had been reading my columns, it seems. I patiently explained that I was known as the Bearded Lady for good reason; I had a full, dark, bushy beard and was unlikely to be seen as a woman.The only response was: "Hey - kinky. That's great! The audience will love it."So I agreed, after all I consider myself second only to Rush Limbaugh as a font of wisdom on all subjects, and even he wouldn't be as well informed as I on crossdressing. I dug the wig out of the recesses of closet, found something to wear in my $9.99 or less wardrobe that matched my reddish beard and went forth unto the Studio, suitcase in hand. You didn't think I would try and go dressed, did you? The makeup person didn't bat an eye at me, but then there was a 4' tall green alien on my left and two Elvis clones on my left,.
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